7 Things a Pastor's Kid Needs From a Father.

28 de noviembre de 2022

Pastors, your position is demanding, and those demands bring particular struggles to your family. A Pastor's wife carries a heavy load, but she usually enters the ministry voluntarily. The children of a Pastor, however, are swept away by the current of their parents' vocation. It is often a life of unparalleled needs and struggles. These struggles often stem from the father's failures. This is not to place all the blame on Pastors for their children's problems. However, it is to tell the Pastors that they must work on being good parents.


My own father has worked on this a lot. He has his blind spots and weaknesses that could be a source of tension between him and me. But to this day, in his 33 years of pastoral ministry, he has never stopped trying to be a better father. As I was writing this I was thinking about his failures, yes, but I was also thinking about his successes. Many by the way. I also thought about dozens of conversations I've had with fellow Pastors' Kids about such struggles and their relationships with their parents. So, my writing is not the product of bitterness of heart nor some desire to expose the faults of a good man. I love my dad. My desire is to help avoid certain struggles and defeats of other Pastors and their children. So, here are seven important aspects that a Pastor can consider in order to be a good father to his children.


Pastors, your child needs...

1. A DAD, NOT A PASTOR

Yes, they are called to shepherd their family, but the Pastors’ Kids want a dad, someone who will play with them, protect them, make them laugh, love their mom, give hugs, pay attention, teach them how to build a budget, like changing the oil and catching a ball.


We want committed love and warmth. We want a dad who isn't a workaholic. It is hypocritical to call your congregation to a life of passionate evangelism, of love and sacrifice, while neglecting your own family.


If a mortgage broker or salesperson is overworked with 60 hours a week, then so are you. Leave work and be there for your children. Your children will spit on your pastorate if they miss out on your parenting.

2. CONVERSATION, NOT SERMONS

Sermons are an effective way to communicate Biblical truth to a congregation, but not to your children (or spouse). Preaching to your children all the time will stultify the Bible in their eyes, they will see it as boring, and it will crush the passion that you are trying to achieve in them.


Talk to your children about the Bible in a way that is interesting, applicable, and conversational. Help them see the Bible as a normal part of life. Instead of lecturing, soak your conversation in biblical worldview to help your children shape their life goals. That way they will know that they can interact with this important book. Sermons at home separate them from the Word since it implies that only the very studious can understand it.

3. YOUR INTEREST IN THEIR HOBBIES

Jonathan Edwards may be your hero, or Seth Godin your muse, but your first grader daughter doesn't care much for that. Her love language is playing Barbies and dancing. Your child wants to build a Lego fort, beat you on Xbox, or learn the moves of his favorite sport. Your hobbies are your own alone, but the degree to which you get involved in your children's interests speaks of a love that impacts them.

4. BE STUDIOUS

It's harder to spend time with children as they get older. So, spend time studying them just like you study your Greek lexicon. They are more important, after all. Would your high school son appreciate going out for pizza with you or curling up on the couch and watching college football on a Saturday afternoon? Does your teenage daughter want you to take her shopping or for coffee? Maybe they don't want recreation but help.


So, talk about challenges they’re having with their friends, or algebra problems, or anything else that's stressing them out. Learn these things, even if it seems like there are no right answers. Teenagers are difficult; they treat parents like idiots all the time. But these actions, when done constantly, multiply. Show them a pattern so that when your kids are done thinking you're a idiot, they can have a path to walk with you.

5. CONSISTENCY FROM YOU

No one can call you a hypocrite quicker than your kids (and wife), and nothing will lose you more ground in your home than this. If you stand in the pulpit on Sunday and talk about grace after spending Friday and Saturday complaining about your family, grace will look cheap and unattractive to your child who is closely observing you. However, if you treat your child as if you need his grace and forgiveness for your terrible behavior, you can open a door to God’s grace. (And using phrases like “I had a horrible attitude” sounds sincerer when apologizing.)


If you act like the great Pastor in the pulpit, but like an isolated church worker at home, your children will see the church and all that goes with it as a sham. If you encourage others to live a life of joy, but you are constantly complaining about your life, or exhort people at church to live a life of sacrifice, but you are lazy, no one will notice quicker than those living at home. To your family, your interactions with God and with them are far more important than your Sunday sermons.

6. GRACE IN FAILING

Pastors talk a lot about grace. It is the basis of our salvation and the source of our hope. But when the moment of truth arrives, do you offer enough grace to your children? Pastors' kids feel enormous pressure to be “good” and trust the Bible for all things. But we are often not good and often lack confidence in biblical reality.



We sin and doubt assails us like everyone else. But when we do, the path to restoration and peace often feels like an impossible journey to navigate. Is grace itself allowed to fail and doubt (assuming grace is preached in your congregation)?

7. A SINGLE MORAL STANDARD

The grace pastors’ children need is to live under a single moral standard. Most of them feel the pressure of their parents’ priestly profession on their moral standards. The qualities that a pastor and elder should have described in 1 Timothy and Titus feels like a threat to pastors’ kids: “If you mess up, not only will your father look bad, but he will lose his job.” These standards are the same ones every Christian should keep in mind and follow as well as to teach to others. No one else’s dad is at risk of being unemployed if his son is rebellious, but PK’s dads are. The added pressure of being morally honest doesn’t help their hearts. This practice fosters an environment in their souls in which the temptation to rebel and the temptation to be hypocritical battles with the desire to honor Jesus and their pastors’ dads.


You have heard that it was said: Children of pastors should be holier than their peers and their parents should raise them better, but is not what Jesus said, He tells us all:


“Be holy because I am holy.” That’s how it should be.

Generación de impacto

22 de marzo de 2023
Hubo un momento en la nación de Israel, cuando la generación de sus grandes líderes fundadores había pasado a la historia.

Hijo de héroe

22 de marzo de 2023
Era el 2 de noviembre del 2017 cuando todo comenzó. Tenía poco de haber cumplido 18 años.

Oremos por los Hijos de Pastores

22 de marzo de 2023
¿Por qué los hijos de pastores necesitan oración?  ¿Qué los hace tan especiales? En realidad, nada.

Um ERRO não Define Você

28 de noviembre de 2022
TEUS PAIS SÃO PASTORES?

Filho de Pastor... O PIOR?

28 de noviembre de 2022
Uma de minhas primeiras lembranças da igreja é estar sentado num dos bancos de cedro na frente. Por alguma razão, os filhos de pregadores e pastores sempre se sentam na frente. Alguém já teve a brilhante ideia de fazer os outros pensarem que quanto mais na frente se senta na igreja, mais "santo" ou mais "cristão" é? Enfim, minha memória é estar naquele banco e ver uma irmã apontando seu dedo para o meu rosto e dizer: "Junior, você tem que se comportar bem porque seu pai está pregando!" Hoje, 30 anos mais tarde, ainda não entendo o que a irmãzinha estava tentando me dizer. O qué? Quer dizer que se meu pai NÃO estivesse pregando então eu poderia me comportar mal? Não quero soar pouco esperto, mas o que tinha a ver o fato de meu pai estar pregando com o fato de eu me comportar bem? Por acaso não deveríamos todos nos comportar bem, sem importar quem esteja pregando? Ah, os grandes mistérios do nosso universo! Acho que não há muito mistério. Acredito que é obvio o sério problema que enfrentam como igreja aqueles que são filhos de "lideres" ou "pastores". Ao mesmo tempo, não quero colocar o problema fora de proporção. Há muitos filhos de líderes cristãos que não tiveram os tipos de problemas de rebelião que geralmente nos são atribuídos. Tivemos problemas, sim, mas não preenchemos o perfil que geralmente (e muitas vezes erroneamente) é atribuído aos filhos de pastores. Quero ser claro aqui, sei que não fui uma criança merecedora do diploma ao melhor comportamento. Quando criança eu não precisava de oração, acho que precisava de libertação! Basta perguntar aos meus professores de Escola Dominical ou aos colegas de ministério de meus pais. Não me lembro muito bem, mas acho que quando eu entrava no prédio da Escola Dominical nas manhãs de domingo, os professores não diziam: "Uau, lá vem Júnior", acho que diziam: "Uau, lá vem o gadareno" E julgando minhas memórias agora como uma pessoa mais velha, tenho que concordar que meus pobres professores estavam certos!

7 Coisas Que O Filho De Pastor Precisa De Seu Pai

28 de noviembre de 2022
Pastores, sua posição é demandante, e essas demandas trazem lutas particulares à sua família. A esposa de um pastor leva uma grande carga, mas em geral ela entra no ministério de forma voluntária. Os filhos do pastor, porém, são arrastados pela corrente da vocação de seus pais. Frequentemente é uma vida de necessidades e lutas sem igual. Estas lutas muitas vezes decorrem dos fracassos do pai. Isso não é para pôr toda a culpa nos pastores dos problemas de seus filhos. Mas é para dizer aos pastores que têm que trabalhar para ser bons pais. Meu próprio pai tem trabalhado muito nessa área. Ele tinha seus pontos cegos e fracos que tem sido uma fonte de tensão entre mim e ele. Mas hoje em dia, em seus 33 anos de ministério pastoral, nunca tem deixado de ser um pai melhor. Enquanto escrevia isso, pensava em seus fracassos, mas também pensava em seus sucessos. Muitos por sinal. Também pensei nas dúzias de conversas que temos tido com colegas, filhos de pastores, sobre essas lutas e suas relações com seus pais. Assim que meu relato não é produto da amargura de coração ou algum desejo de expor os defeitos de um bom homem. Eu amo meu pai. Meu desejo é ajudar a evitar certas lutas e derrotas de outros pastores e seus filhos. Então, aqui estão os sete aspectos importantes que um pastor pode considerar para ser um bom pai para seus filhos. Pastores, seu filho precisa...

O Filho Pródigo Do Pastor

28 de noviembre de 2022
Katy Perry. Rick Warren. Anne Graham Lotz. Franklin Graham. Jonas Brothers. Frank Schaefer. Jessica Simpson. Todos esses nomes, por mais díspares que pareçam, têm algo em comum: todos são filhos de pastores.Katy Quando se trata de filhos de pastores, os estereótipos abundam. Primeiro, é o menino modelo, vivendo de acordo com o livro de regras e segue os passos do pai ministro. Em muitas igrejas, isso é uma expectativa e um estereótipo. No entanto, talvez o estereótipo dominante de filho de pastor seja o filho pródigo: o filho rebelde que caiu da fé, o reincidente que prefere seguir seu próprio caminho a viver à sombra da torre do sino. A suposição subjacente desse estereótipo, no entanto, é que os cristãos acreditam que aqueles que crescem na igreja são 'mais rápidos a deixá-la. E como acontece com qualquer estereótipo, vale a pena dar uma olhada para ver se alguma dessas percepções é realmente verdadeira. Afinal, os citados acima escolheram diferentes caminhos. Alguns assumiram voluntariamente o ministério como seu próprio chamado, enquanto outros se desligaram completamente da fé cristã, e ainda outros passaram por um período de rebelião apenas para voltar com um renovado senso de propósito espiritual. tendência tão grande como muitas vezes é percebida? O último estudo de Barna colocou essas questões a prova, com resultados surpreendentes.

A Mistake Doesn’t Define You

28 de noviembre de 2022
ARE YOUR PARENTS PASTORS?

Pastor’s Kid … The Worse?

28 de noviembre de 2022
One of my earliest memories of the church is sitting on one of the cedar pews right at the front of the sanctuary. For some reason, pastors’ kids and preacher’s kids are always to be seated in front. Someone at some point had the brilliant idea of making others think that the further in the front one sit in the church, the more “holy” or “Christian” they are. In short, my memory is sitting on the bench and looking at a sister in Christ who, with her finger pointing at my face, told me: "Junior, you have to behave well because your dad is preaching!" Today, 30 years later, I still don't understand what the woman was trying to tell me. What, you mean if my dad was NOT preaching then I could misbehave? I don't want to sound tacky, but what did the fact that my dad was preaching have to do with me being good? Shouldn't we all be good all the time no matter who is preaching? Ah, the great mysteries of our universe! I don’t think there’s much mystery on this topic. I think it is obvious that as a church we face serious problems with those who are the children of “Leaders” or “Pastors”. In the same line of thought, I don’t want to blow this problem out of proportion. There are many of us, who had not rebelled and did not have the kind of problems that are generally associated with us. We have had problems, yes, but not that they necessarily fit the profile or reputation generally (and many times wrongly) attributed to the Pastors’ Kids.

The Pastor's Prodigal Son

27 de noviembre de 2022
Katy Perry, Rick Warren, Anne Graham Lotz, Franklin Graham, Jonas Brothers, Frank Schaefer, Jessica Simpson. All these names, however disparate they may seem, have something in common: they are all Pastors’ Kids. When it comes to the Pastors’ Kids, stereotypes abound. First, there is the model child, who lives by the rule book and follows in the footsteps of his minister father. In many churches, this is both an expectation and a stereotype. Perhaps the dominant stereotype of the Pastor's Kid, however, is the prodigal son: the wayward son, the rebel who has strayed from the faith, the backslider who would rather go his own way than live in the shadow of the steeple.  The underlying assumption of this stereotype, however, is that Christians believe that those who have grown closest to the church are the quickest to leave. And as with any stereotype, it's worth taking a closer look to see if any of these perceptions are actually true. After all, those named above have chosen different routes. Some have voluntarily assumed the ministry as their own vocation, while others have completely disassociated themselves from the faith. Christian, and others have gone through a period of rebellion only to return with a renewed sense of spiritual purpose. So, where does this stereotype of the Pastor’s prodigal son come from? Are those who grow up as children of faith workers really more likely to “disappear” from the church later in life? And is it as big a trend as it is often perceived to be? Barna's latest study put these questions to the test, with surprising results.
Más entradas
Share by: